Today, Gavin and I went with Jenny and Paul to Ikea. For some reason, Paul was resetting himself on to Indonesian time (12 hour difference from Jakarta), and still insisted on driving (we still made it there and back safely, although we insisted that Jenny drive them home).
Gavin and I went prepared. We carefully researched online the furniture we were looking for, and we had a rough idea of what other little things we’d need.
The results are as follows: 4 bookcases, 1 corner bookcase all in medium brown, and two sets of doors; a computer table for the extra computer (so we can have on in the living room); a lamp, a light for my closet, an extra desk for the office so we have more desk/counter space; some other little things for the office, bedroom and kitchen… some syrups to make fun drinks, two bags of swedish meatballs, and an aloe vera in a purple pot.
I think Ikea is in on a vast corporate conspiracy, the show room is laid out like a maze, sure, they give you a “map,” and “EXIT” is clearly marked, but the moment you get slightly turned around, or try and go back to the piece you were looking for/at, you get engulfed in a sea of solutions for modern living.
It reminds me vaguely of the scene from Fight Club where Edward Norton’s character is going through his apartment, the names you can’t pronounce, and the glasses made by the hardworking people of somewhere with the little imperfections that prove just that (or is that at Pier One…).
What I like is they offer plenty of comfortable seating solutions for modern living… and some deceptively comfortable looking solutions; they also offer a wide range of surfaces upon which you can write, and plenty of little tags (and staff) that can answer all of your trivial little questions (does it come in ANYTHING other than WHITE!?).
Their model is quite clever, first, trap potential customers in the showroom until they are starving, then they have a European style cafeteria with low-cost service (80% self serve), and the cafeteria is rather cleverly outfitted almost entirely in IKEA furniture.
After you’re fed (and rejuvenated) you’re led through a new maze of house wears (again, you’re getting lost and overly visually stimulated). In House wears there are literally stacks and stacks of goods, neatly arranged (in most cases), very clearly priced, and easy to reach. Brilliant.
Once you make it through the maze of showroom, cafeteria and house wears, you finally come to the Grand Hallway of Boxes where you (again) are called upon yourself to 1) FIND the boxes you need, and 2) PUT them on the cart that you PUSH yourself. Yes, there are helpful IKEA staff on hand, but they’re mostly there to give directions to lost, confused customers.
Some items (the yellow label ones) have to be requested from upstairs (most people don’t seem to know this), so they must weave back through house wears, back upstairs to the showroom/cafeteria to put through those choices.
After you check out, there is an impressive selection of foods (mostly Swedish) next to a snack bar… very very clever, you’ll be starved after hauling boxes and very much ready for a little snack (signs for 50 cent hot dogs, and ice creams are posted liberally in the Grand Hallway of Boxes). Then because you so enjoyed the Swedish Meatballs and berries you had at the cafeteria, you will buy them from the little food corner.
At this point you realize there is NO WAY you can get all the stuff you just finished purchasing into Jenny and Paul’s 1996 Oldsmobile… in the farthest off corner from everything is a sign that says “Ikea delivers for $99” for the first 25 flat packed boxes with in a 75 mile radius (or something like that). That means someone else gets to carry about 80% of the stuff we bought up the two flights of stairs to our third floor apartment, they don’t assemble it, that’s fine, Gavin is considering getting an electric screw driver.
Fortunately, the apartment is mostly clean. The sink is full of dishes (again), but that’s OK, the 14 bags of trash have been thrown out, the living room is empty in preparation for the shelves, and the boxes on the landing are nicely stacked. Tomorrow our furniture arrives and the building fun begins.
